I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
