so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
