i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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