Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
