When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
