his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
