I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
