have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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