His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
