Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
