Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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