Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
