Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
