So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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