Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
