she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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