Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
