Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
