WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
