Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
