I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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