Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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