I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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