I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
