He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
