i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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