She said her name was "party"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
