just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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