I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
