You really coming over, don't trick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
