I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
