so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
