maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
