And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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