like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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