I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
