I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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