I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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