i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize