The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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