8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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