i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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