Soap is not a condiment
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
