I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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