1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she peed on how many people?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
