I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
