new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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