Your face is a jimmy john
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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