I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
