remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
