so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Shame - the story of my life.
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