Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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