Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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