It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
