its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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