remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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