Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
