believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
