ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
