so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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