i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
