idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize