i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dick very happy bro
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
