I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
