At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
