thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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