Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
