8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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