Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
