White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
