My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still dying that you shit outside
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
