if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
