you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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