one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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