At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
