And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
