so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They took my balls.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
