So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
