So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize