if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
