Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
