I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
