You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize