Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
