you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
