that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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