In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
