im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I supernannyed him into submission
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
