just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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