I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
