So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
