Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
