she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
