I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
