took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
