Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
