im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
