Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
