you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
