If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
