also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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