I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
