he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love having hate sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
