I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
