i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
