angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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