Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
