I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No subtext here. People are naked.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
