i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
