Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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