I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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