DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
