sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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